Relationships (1) Communication

Relationships are pretty easy yet complicated.. the human psyche is not easy to comprehend..our tempers change as quickly as the waves in the ocean.. but waves follow each other.. same like our words... when they follow each other without considering the implications we hurt those we love. for that reason, communication is the first step towards a healthy relationship.

i came to realize through they years that one of the main reasons that people have problems in relationships is the lack of communication or bad communication among the partners. amazing enough, that as much as men and women existed together since the dawn of history, it seems that each think and react as if they come from two different worlds.

in a conversation between a friend of mine and his daughter, later another with his wife dealing with the same topic, the issue was in relation to going out together and the agreement was they should call him, if not then he will make other plans, which he did. 10 times he repeated, "you didn't call, so this means you didn't want to go out". i assumed that the other party, repeating the same thing but you said we will go out today, so he repeated his answer again until he said, anyways, it is already very late now because it was close to 11 pm. while reflecting on this conversation, i was laughing. men take things at face value. the agreement was void since they didn't call. the mother and the girl reacted emotionally because they have felt deprived from the attention of the husband and the father as he promised they would go out that night. the issue of calling or not was a minor issue for them. they took it for granted that they will go out, hence, he had broken his promise for not showing up.

in another instance, another friend and his wife, both were complaining of each others attitudes. he claimed that she is neglecting him by concentrating on her career, while she was complaining that he doesn't do enough for the relationship and he is jealous of her success, therefore he is always trying to bring her down. talking to both, i realized that they have a major communication problem. both of them are fixated on their assumption of the attitude of the other, so anything that follows is always analyzed in the negative. like, if she is late for an hour at the office for finishing work, he would make a fuss out of it and consider it a clear sign of negligence. while she, at the same time, will consider this as hampering her career and success. this dilemma kept going on.. she had promised that she will try to keep up with the working hours in order to have more time for him, but of course, due to the work conditions sometimes it was impossible to keep up the promise and he had zero tolerance for any delay, so the bickering continued and he was always on her case. so, she ended up treating him as an enemy... if he says the least of things she will always say, ah you don't want me to succeed and you just want me a house wife and a follower. in many instances, while talking to them, i have realized that, beside the other problems they have, communication is one of the major issues they fail to handle and it causes them lots of misery.
to be continued...